


almost complete

by honey_sweet



Series: attack on fiction [1]
Category: Attack on Titan
Genre: Aftercare, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Body Worship, Comfort, Creampie, Emotional Sex, Established Relationship, F/M, Finger Sucking, I miss erwin, Insecurities, Mirror Sex, Not Beta Read, Porn With Plot, Smut, Spooning, erwin deserved better, i hate family gatherings, im drunk and sleep deprived okay, mentions of amputations, slight hair pulling, you know it and so do i
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:34:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28680435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honey_sweet/pseuds/honey_sweet
Summary: everybody has their own insecurites.erwin just so happens to take his to heart, and its usually up to you to deal with that.
Relationships: Erwin Smith/Reader
Series: attack on fiction [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2121129
Comments: 12
Kudos: 109





	almost complete

**Author's Note:**

> my friend prompted this and you know i live to serve

You hated weddings - they were tedious, an example of why you hated social gatherings of people you were barely friends with and family members you'd not seen in years. But your cousin was getting married, and you were obligated to attend. It wasn't like you spoke to each other outside of these events so your attendence would hardly be missed.

You were already too tired to care, but you still had several hours to wait around before people wouldn't notice you slipping away from the reception. It was annoying. You'd taken a day of paid leave just for this, and you were really, _really_ not enjoying yourself right now. It was truly a waste of your time. This was the first time in months you'd had a day off and it wasn't even worth the effort you'd put in to come here. 

Sighing, you leaned back in your chair, adjusting the grip on the half empty wine glass and letting the merlot splash gently against the side. 

“They’ll cut the cake soon, we can leave shortly.” Erwin mumbled, spinning his fork idly in his left hand. He had been slowly picking away at the pasta dish in front of him that was now thoroughly cooled. He would never admit it but he wasn’t particularly enjoying this either, but saying that aloud would only add to your misery at the situation too. 

You knew Erwin didn’t particularly like pasta, but you stayed silent in your observations. He’d have much rather had the sir loin steak they were serving, but would never let you cut it for him nor would he risk knocking something over in the fancy reception hall. 

He’d refused the prosthetic the doctor offered, citing it was too stiff and felt unnatural. He’d argued he would feel too self conscious about it, but he seemed plenty insecure about his missing arm even without it. The poor man rarely enjoyed public outings over the last year or so, but you didn’t blame him. It was weird to get used to at first, you would admit, but the thing that upset you more was Erwin’s slow relinquish of the things he enjoyed in the public eye. He would only eat food he didn’t need to use a knife on, he would pose awkwardly in photos (in the wedding hall he’d stood slightly behind you, smiling stiffly to hide the limp sleeve of his blazer hanging on his right side) and he barely moved from a table once he was seated for fear of someone pointing out the obvious. Or even worse, not pointing out the obvious and staring at him _and you_ pitifully throughout most interactions.

You could see why he would be frustrated, but he never complained. And you weren’t sure how you felt about that. If he said something you'd know how he felt, you'd know where you stood and what you could do to help him but he was reservedly quiet on the topic, leaving you in the emotional no-man's land.

Trying to lighten the mood you suggest: "Or we could just make a break for it _with_ the cake."

Erwin's lips curled upwards slightly as he stared at the tablecloth. He nodded.

"Exits at 6 and 9 o'clock. Lightly guarded target, likely would need a distraction in order for a successful extraction operation."

You laughed, sipping at your drink with a coy smile.

"I'll be right back," You say, placing your glass down and resting your hand on Erwin's shoulder as you slid behind his chair. He reached his left hand up to brush over yours as you walked away to the bathroom, still staring intently at the tablecloth dusted with champagne coloured glitter.

The mass of people were either gathered around the bar or seated at their tables, waiting for the cake to be cut so they could either sneak away like you were planning, or begin to drink until they'd be carried from the place several hours later. Nobody really liked weddings as much as they pretended to.

By the time you'd returned from the bathroom, people were starting to disperse towards the bar, almost as if they had completely lost all self restraint and decided the cake could wait. Someone flagged you down from the bar, you had that moment of panic wondering if you were supposed to know them as a family friend or a relative you'd not seen since you were a toddler.

"Excuse me, you don't happen to know where the nearest train station is, do you?" The man at the bar asked, leaning towards you over the bustle of patrons.

"Making a break for it while you still can?" You laugh, nearing the stranger.

"Something like that."

"Head to the main road, take a left at the traffic lights, head towards the art gallery and you should be able to see it from the top of the hill there." You say, making minor hand gestures to punctuate your directions.

"You don't happen to have the schedule do you? My phone is dead and nobody in the entire place has a charger."

"I don't but I can google it." You admit, pulling out your phone and tapping away at the search engine. Turning it to face the stranger, he leaned forward and mouthed platform names and nodded as he repeated the directions you gave him out loud.

"Thank you- enjoy your evening." He said, smiling and walking away, still mumbling the directions to himself.

You continued on your return to Erwin, who had a habit of letting his eyes follow you around the room, almost like he had nothing else to occupy his idle moments with.

"I hope you didn't have _too_ much fun without me." You sigh with a smile, sitting back in your seat.

"I tried my best, I'm afraid it was just too _exhilerating_ listening to your aunt talk about her new boyfriend. Did you know he has a _yacht?"_ Erwin whispered in your ear when you sat down - you could practically feel the sarcasm oozing from his tone, but his congenial expression gave away nothing to your relatives that he was as fed up with whole rigmarole as you were.

"Absolutely fascinating. Reminds me of the other affair she had several months ago. He had _two_ boats you know." You whispered back with mirth.

"Ah- but one of those was a rental. Can you imagine the scandal?" He quipped, tapping impatiently at the oak dining table beneath his knuckles and glancing around the room with evident boredom.

"You know, I think I can just about manage to picture it." You finish the last of your wine and place the empty glass down, resting your head in your palm.

*

Almost two hours later and you'd still not managed to escape the claws of the tipsy socialites and their posh clothes. The speeches from the best man and the maid of honour took far longer than they should have - it almost felt like you actually were at work and had to sit through another board meeting with how they managed to draw out their entire speech into almost half an hour per person. It was almost a talent by that point that Erwin had managed to keep a somewhat interested expression the entire time. You could tell it was insincere, even if nobody else could. You'd spent so long around him by now that you could tell when he had completely tuned out mentally and wasn't even paying attention to his surroundings - he did an exceptional job of disguising it though. If you didn't know him you'd never be able to tell that he was most likely thinking about going home and finishing a book and sitting in your living room nursing a glass of whiskey letting you put whatever vinyl you wanted on to play.

He was barely even mentally present, too busy imagining the several hundred other things he'd rather be doing than sitting listeing to your cousin's best man recite stories that were nowhere near as funny as they thought it was. You were slowly drifitng away too, uncaring if you looked as bored as you felt at this point. 

Occasionally through the speeches you and Erwin would exchange exasperated glances and subtle eye rolls to display just how much you regretted turning up for the sake of family appearances.

A round of applause and polite laughter broke you out of your bored reverie - the talking had stopped and the cake was being sliced. Flashes of phone cameras snapped around the room but you were glancing over to your side. Erwin was looking slightly dejected as people around you stood up from their chairs, applauding and taking photos.

The sleeve hanging limply at his side reminded him that he could not clap, and you watched as he faintly smiled and tapped the surface of the table in pseudo-applause.

Now was a good time to leave.

*

You sprawled backwards onto the bedspread, kicking off the heeled shoes you'd begrudginly worn in order to fit in with the dress code. Erwin leaned against the windowsill, clinking the ice cubes in his shallow glass. The rain had started to fall on your drive back from the reception, and by now it was pouring down the glass pane in heavy rivulets.

"Every time we go I say it's the last time." You sighed.

Erwin laughed quietly, trying to undo his silk tie one-handed. "And we always get dragged back again."

Propping yourself up on your elbows you looked over to him by the window, quietly struggling to undo the smallest knot in his tie. Quietly, you pace your way over behind him. He seemed so defeated when you reach your arms around his torso and up to his neck to loosen the tie. You swear you heard him sigh softly, but decided to not press any further with it. You let your palms lay flat across his chest as you pressed your face into his back, unsure of what to do to comfort him.

Eventually, after a fragile silence, Erwin spoke up:

"Are you ashamed of me?" He whispered so quietly you wondered if you had simply imagined it to begin with.

"What makes you say that? Of course I'm not." You reply, not even having to think about your answer. You let your hands fall from his torso in an attempt to make him turn to face you. He stayed staring resolutely out of the window into the rainy darkness.

"Erwin look at me." You command, attempting to look at his face. He stays silent. "Erwin please look at me-" You beg, hearing your own voice waiver in the silent room.

"I just want to know if you detest me as much as I do." Erwin whispers back, pointedly not making eye contact with you.

"Look at me," You start, pulling him around by his shoulder. "I don't detest you, I think you're beautiful inside and out. I wish you would see yourself the same way that I do."

You could see tears starting to form along his waterline. He sighed, resting his head onto your shoulder without replying. Not knowing what to say, you let him lean against you, acting as his pillar in the shadows of the bedroom.

"Come on- I think we both need to sleep." You whisper, letting him lean his weight on you as you stumbled backwards towards the bed. He draped himself over the sheets, not even bothering to get under the duvet or take his suit trousers off. He simply sighed and sank backwards.

Allowing him to wrap his arm around you, you both laid on your side facing the wardrobe, unspeaking and unsure of where your shadow ended and the other's begun.

*

Alcohol was not good for your sleeping pattern. It was good for getting you to sleep quickly, but alas one of the effects it has on the human sleep system is that it can disturb your slumber. And so that was how you found yourself at four A.M staring at your shadowy reflection in the moonlit mirror of the wardrobe. Erwin was sleeping soundly behind you, the rythmic movement of his torso rising and falling with his breath and his face buried into the pillow behind your head the only signs of life in his tired body.

Neither of you had bothered to change out of your formal wear, simply too tipsy and tired to care when you had fallen asleep. Now, however, you were staunchly regretting that choice because your dress had begun to bunch and twist annoyingly around your thighs as you had shifted in your sleep. It was at that awkward stage where it was taught across your ribs and aggressively tangled between your legs to the point of discomfort.

It was a challenge trying to maneouvre your clothes into a more comfortable position, awkwardly lifting your hips and shuffling frustratedly on the spot in order to straighten your clothes out enough to be considered comfortable again. The entire time you were hoping Erwin wouldn't wake up from your shenanigans, and you honestly believed he had managed to sleep through your shuffling.

Until you felt his hand on your hip.

At first you thought nothing of it, attempting to get back into some form of sleep before dawn, but when the fabric began to bunch at the crest of your hip once more, you realised he was more than awake. Neither of you said anything, no words were exchanged in the silence of the dark room. But you could see his hand ghosting up your side in the reflection, pushing the hem of your thoroughly wrinkled dress up your side. Unspeaking, Erwin's hand continued to trail it's way up the front of your body, landing on the hollow of your throat to pin you to his chest gently. With a touch so feather-light that you wondered if he'd actually touched you, he rested his long fingers against the parted dip of your lips.

You stared into his eyes in the reflection of the mirror and you let him push his slender fingers in between your parted lips. He continued searching your eyes in the mirror for any sign of discomfort, and you knew from experience that as soon as he saw it he would stop. But this time you didn't want him to stop. His nails lightly grazed the hard palette of your mouth while the pads of his fingers applied pressure to your tongue. You pushed his fingers against the roof of your mouth, using the pressure of your tongue to push his finger furtther backward into your throat.

You could feel him physically shudder behind you as the breath rattled out of his lungs.

He cursed as he buried his head in the crook of your neck, letting you push yourself back against him and draw his fingers deeper into your mouth, strings of your saliva beading between his digits and threatening to spill out of the corner of your parted lips.

The contact was broken very briefly as he slipped his hand from your mouth long enough to unloop his belt and kick his trousers down to his knees. You took the chance to lean your head right back against his collarbone and card your hand through his sleep dishevelled hair, tugging lightly at the roots and scraping your nails gently against his scalp. He shuddered once more.

His teeth grazed against your bare shoulder as he took the strap of your dress in his mouth and maneouvred it to the side so his mouth had access to your skin. Meanwhile, his hand was back on your hip leaving damp trails of his spit covered fingers over your waist under the fabric of your underwear. Hot, open mouthed kisses were placed against your shoulder blade as he dropped his head into your neck and mumbled incoherent curses against your flesh. You gasped when he grazed his teeth over the edge of your jaw, almost drowning out his almost inaudible plea against your neck.

" _Please,_ " He whispered, lifting his forehead to display his brow already beaded with sweat from the anticipation. You met his gaze in the reflection, reaching your hand back to tug at his hair once more as you nodded to him.

His hand on your hip tightened it's grip to give him the leverage to push inside you, still not bothering to undo his shirt or fully kick off his trouser. There was something bothering him, clearly, or else he'd have gone back to sleep and approached you in the morning when you went for a shower. For whatever reason it was, he couldn't wait.

You both groaned, still not fully wrestled away from the grips of sleep and alcohol, until he was fully flush against you. The buttons of his white shirt dug into the exposed skin of your back where the dress had been pushed aside by Erwin's mouth. Your eyes began to close, eyelids dragged down by tiredness and pleasure as Erwin's hand migrated south to rub circles below your pubic bone - the movement was nowhere near in tandem with his lazy hip rolls but you simply did not care. It felt good, and you weren't going to stop him.

"Look at me," He said, snapping your attention to his hazy expression in the mirror. It was enthralling, really, watching the way his brows knotted in response to your combined movements. No two expressions were the same. Sometimes he would take his lip between his teeth in what looked like blissful anguish, but others his mouth would hang open and his eyelids would drop as he tried to maintain eye contact with your blissed out reflection.

His breathing was getting harsher, more desperate as the cotton of his shirt began to dampen and turn translucent with your combined sweat, clinging gently to his broad frame.

"You're beautiful," You whispered, pulling at his hair and watching how his expression softened and his teeth sank into his lip with pride. The rocking of his hips had been building such a pressure inside you, but not quite reaching that place you needed, until your hip ever so slightly hitched backwards over his thighs and the sensation elicited a whine that was music to Erwin's ears.

He watched as you tried to fling your hand forwards for leverage on the bedside table, eyes screwed shut and insides clenching around him.

The warmth between your thighs was intoxicating to Erwin - the way your whines peaked as he increased the pressure from his hand and how your back arched against his chest when that warmth began to drip out, darkening the bunched trousers around his knees.

What was even more intoxicating to him was the way you relaxed against him, yet kept your grip on his hair firm and insistent.

He groaned - cursing, swearing and panting - against your neck as he suddenly brought his arm tight around your waist to keep you flush against his thick thighs. All the while he shuddered, leting his warmth bleed into your insides to the sound of his own swearing and your heavy, laboured breathing.

Neither of you moved, staying as close as possible to each other as you could, catching your breath.

"I meant it. You're beautiful." You whisper, closing your eyes as you feel his entire chest cease to move for a moment.

He said nothing, adjusting the both of you into a more comfortable position, eventually kicking his trousers off fully and attempting to unbutton his shirt one-handed. Wordlessly, you rolled over to face him, undoing his shirt and letting him unzip your dress fully to spread his palm against your bare back.

Completely bare, drenched in moonlight from the rain-streaked window, and tangled in the bedsheets strewn with your own clothes, the two of you realised there was only one shadow being cast - there was no ending and no beginning. Just one large shadow, a singular piece of darkness that the two of you shared.

"...Thank you." Erwin admitted, waiting until he knew you were too deep asleep to be disturbed. He was slowly becoming that man again. That complete and whole person he had been before, the man full of joy and intelligence, patience and wit. He wasn't really there yet, but he was on his way, and the ring lying in hiding at the back of his desk drawer was waiting for the day he felt he could be that man for you once more.

He knew you had the patience to wait for him.

**Author's Note:**

> oh my god the hangover headache this morning was not worth that sex scene 
> 
> anyway. throw some attention at me pls.


End file.
